I some how gave up.

I'm not good about writing blogs anymore, theres been so much going on lately.
once I again, I got turned down, but I'm Kind of involved with some one.
I really should ask God about this, but i don't know how anymore, I know its such an age difference too.
But, it feels right to me, he cares about me, and hes always there to listen.
 Also, I listen to what other people say way too much, yeah we're four years apart, but that doesn't even matter.
Does it?
well, too me its not a big deal.
I talked to some one on the phone tonight, that is one of my favorite people, and moved away for awhile so it
was weird that he called me, big surprise, but made me very happy.
I always have good talks with him, and he gives the best advice.
I'm so happy he's in my life.

I love how every year people are always complaining about Valentines day, only because they're single.
Valentines day isn't only for showing love to the person your with.
Its to show love to everyone you care about and LOVE. Key word ya know?
I know it makes people sad, and I wish that a guy would get me flowers to show me how much he cares or something cheesy like that, but I mean, I have friends that love me, I don't need a guy.
BUT, I do like a guy, so I guess i'm being a hypocrite?
yeah, kind of.

I have a chance of staying back, unless i pass this quinter, and i tried really hard, I really hope I pass, because i know i did a lot better in most of my classes, but i still don't know if its good enough for that school?
I'll have to find out, and if I don't pass, I might cry, and at graduation i get to wave to my other 3 classmates graduating to high school, and I have to spend another year in middle school, you have no idea how much i want to be in high school, i think i will break down if that does happen, could be good for me, but i would not like the idea, one bit. It would be cool if we could graduate all together as a class, but, I can't give up.
You know, it starts with believing in yourself?
I'll try my best to do so.


This blog is kind of what ever pops into my head....

I always wonder what goes through my cats head, I mean he has nothing to worry about, except eating and wanting to go outside, That makes me wonder why did God make our lives so complicated?
I always question him, and I don't know if that's good, or bad.
I also wonder why he gave me depression, was that his plan? or was it all my fault?
Is that supposed to make me stronger? and how am I going to get better?
I have way too many questions for him.

I went so long without cutting, it was my news year resolution, I broke it, badly.
I never know what to say when people ask me about it.
My last excuse was "my cat"
guess what? it worked.
I hate having to answer that, but at this school I have no way to hide it, all my sweatshirts aren't allowed so obiously people will notice, hate it, but have to deal with it.

I think that's the end to my blog today, I can't think of anything else, but it was pretty long..so yeah.

sleep, i need you.

Haven't slept in two days D:
I need sleep like you kinda need it to live ya know?
Been kind of depressed lately, I don't even  know why.
I guess i just am.
I didn't go to school today cause I was alll every where.
I don't know what else to say..so bye.

when she ask if i look okay and i sayy..

I hate it how guys make me feel so ugly, like all the time.
Whenever I start liking a guy, they always end up not liking me.
What do I have to do to feel pretty? it would be nice if i was one of those girls that guys say is pretty, but i'm not.
I don't think I will ever be.
To be honest i wish I was pretty like my sister, people tell me all the time how pretty she is.
but never me?
why did i have to be the ugly one?
Why can't I have a guy that tells me I'm beautiful?
cause some how, other then that I can't feel pretty.
There's no way, no matter how many of my friends that are girls tell me, I won't believe it, sorry <3